Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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