oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
