he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
