i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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