I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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