We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
