I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
