if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize