I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
