I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Small penises have feelings too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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