I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just invented taco cereal.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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