After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
