3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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