he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
