In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
