i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
