when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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