I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
