Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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