Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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