I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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