Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
