laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
