hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
