I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
