we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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