I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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