I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
