What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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