In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
