I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
