They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
