For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
