Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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