Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
