Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
