I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
