just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
