Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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