i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
