Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
