A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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