I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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