It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize