I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
