Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
