R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
