When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
