i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
