Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
